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second marriage wedding etiquette

Second marriage wedding etiquette

By Wedding planning

second marriage wedding etiquetteAs times change, wedding etiquette evolves. We work with many couples of all ages and backgrounds, including those getting married a second time.  In fact, something like one of three weddings involve couples where at least one of you has been married before.  Because this is so common, let’s look at second marriage wedding etiquette based on current cultural norms.

The engagement announcement

If either of you have children, tell them first, and then your parents.  You should also tell your ex spouse the news if you have children with whom you share custody.

May we throw an engagement party?

Absolutely, although parents of the either party don’t typically do this for second marriages. This honor is more likely to fall on friends or other family members, and gifts are not usually involved.  Chances are, an engagement party takes the place of a wedding shower.

May we put our name in a gift registry?

Depending on your age and a number of other variables, you may not even want gifts.  That probably won’t stop friends who absolutely want to honor you with some type of gift.  So go ahead.  Register.  A gift registry is a nice way to guide your friends on selecting gifts that truly matter.

Does a second wedding have to be a small, intimate affair?

Times have changed, and the answer is no.  You can invite whoever you’d like, especially since in most second marriages, the couple is paying for the wedding themselves.  Except in extraordinary circumstances, you may not want to invite ex spouses and ex in-laws.  The obvious exception would be in the case of couples who were widowed, and who maintained a close relationship with their late spouse’s family.

Is the bride limited in what she may wear?

Yes and no.  With the widespread practice of co-habitation, the culture no longer equates white with virginity, so second time brides may wear ecru, ivory, cream, or even white colored gowns, whatever color fits her fashion style.  On the other hand, the culture still views a wedding veil as a sign of purity, so second time brides should forgo it. The slide show above showcases some lovely gowns for second time, and more mature brides.

May Dad walk the bride down the aisle a second time?

Certainly.  But also we’ve seen many second time brides walk down the aisle by themselves.  And some couples prefer to do it together.  What’s right for you?

May we have attendants at our second wedding?

Yes, but we’ve noticed that most second marriages tend to use fewer attendants than first time marriages.

A second marriage is a celebration of love, and like all celebrations, music is THE foundation for your entertainment.  We’ve worked with many, many couples getting married a second time.  Learn more here. Something that has not changed since the first time you got married is that popular dates book fast, especially in June, September, and October. Check on our available dates right now, and then give me a call to share your wedding dreams at 513-659-9293.

stress-free wedding planning

Keep a sense of humor when planning your wedding

By Wedding planning

Typical weddings require over one-thousand decisions on your part. Wow! That’s a lot! The key to stress-free wedding planning is a sense of humor and a well-organized wedding plan.

Stress-free wedding planning begins with a good laugh!

Watch the video above for some good laughs. Even more, watch it as a tutorial on how a sense of humor helps turn a few gaffes into something funny and memorable. British comedian, Rowan Atkinson, is a master at showcasing life’s foibles as he so ably demonstrates in this scene from “Four Weddings and a Funeral.”

By the same token Queen City DJs are masters at helping you create a well-organized wedding entertainment plan that runs like clockwork.  We coordinate details with all your wedding vendors to create a well-oiled machine at your wedding celebration with no surprises.

For the record, Mr. Atkinson would never cut it as a DJ with Queen City DJs! We offer only the cream of the crop wedding DJ and MC talent in the area.

In other words, you can simply enjoy your wedding day knowing we’ve got you covered. Stress-free wedding planning begins with Queen City DJs. We offer an extensive array of wedding planning tools which allows such tight coordination, that not even a Rowan Atkinson character could muck it up!

wedding guest list advice

Wedding guest list advice

By Wedding planning

Who NOT to invite to your Cincinnati wedding, that is the question! Few issues cause more friction in the wedding planning process than the guest list. Here is some wedding guest list advice to simplify the process.

Wedding guest list anguish takes many forms:

—> Your budget is limited, so you can’t afford to invite everybody you’d like to.

—> Your parents want you to invite people you don’t know very well.

—> Your future in-laws want to invite more people on their side of the family than yours.

—> Which co-workers get invited, and who doesn’t make the cut?

–-> You feel guilted into inviting someone who you know will be disruptive. (Watch video below!)

You get the idea.  There are landmines everywhere.  I’d like to tell you that I can help you avoid each one.  I can’t.  Each situation is different. Nonetheless, you can minimize anxiety if you take our wedding guest list advice.

Wedding guest list advice

Tip #1:  Pay for the wedding yourself. When you’re footing the bill, you have more clout on who gets an invitation. [According to Wedding Wire, the average millennial couple pays for 40% of the wedding budget themselves.]

Tip #2:  Set a budget and your guest list size.  Since so many couples have their parents pay for most or a portion of the cost of a wedding, try to lock in a pretty firm guest list number so you know what you’re dealing with.  Best to start low, because the number will surely grow.

Tip #3:  Develop a ‘family formula’ for divvying up the list.  It might be as simple as a third of the guest list comes from your friends as a couple; a third from the groom’s family; and a third from the bride’s family.  Obviously, this formula won’t work for everyone.  The idea, though, is to establish a formula right for your situation on the front end to minimize wrangling down the road.

If you’re paying for the wedding, the formula might be half for you, with the remaining guest list split between the two families.

Will all parties stick to the formula?  Probably not, but you’re no worse off than if you didn’t establish a formula, and you’re probably going to be way ahead by doing so.

Tip #4:  Categorize potential invitees.  This can be rather fun.  The fun comes in the way you describe your categories.

How to categorize your guest list

I recommend 4 categories, perhaps something like this:

CATEGORY A (the “My Favorite People in the world” category)

CATEGORY B (the “People who mean a lot to me, and I mean a lot to them” category)

CATEGORY C (the “People I really do want to invite, but then I’ll feel guilty if I don’t invite a mutual friend/co-worker ” category)

CATEGORY D (“People I really don’t want to invite, but there will be hell to pay if I don’t” category)

Categorizing helps focus your thinking.  Ultimately, the power of the purse tends to finalize who in each category gets an invite. For example, one bride bristled when her parents invited a couple they were friends with, whom the daughter never liked.  The daughter fumed,

“Mrs. Smith called me fat when I was thirteen! I refuse to have her at my wedding!”

The mother shot back,

“Listen honey, they’re friends of ours and we see them almost every week.  Yes, that was a jerky thing for her to say, but that was 10 years ago. Time to move on.  We’re paying for the wedding.  She’s coming.”

Tip #5:  Don’t tack on the words “and guest” to your single friends unless they’re in a longterm relationship.  Think about it, how would you like to cut someone from the first three categories above and replace them with a stranger you may never see again in your life?  End of story. Right?

How to handle audacious invitees

Well, not quite.  Some of your more audacious friends may take it upon themselves to add on the words “and guest” anyway when they send the RSVP back.  Be prepared.  Write back immediately something like this:

“Anne, I’m so delighted you’ll be able to attend my wedding.  That means so much to me!  I’m sorry to say, though, that we simply don’t have the space to accommodate your guest.  I wish it were different, but it’s just the reality of planning a wedding.  I’ll tell you more about it next time I see you. I’m so excited about this day. Thank-you for coming!”

Then there is the timeless question of children: do you invite them or not?  This is such a highly charged subject that we’ve already written an entire blogpost on the subject.  Go back and check it out!

I hope you find this basic wedding guest list advice helpful, and congratulations on your engagement.  As you work through the planning process, remember that entertainment makes the event.  Check out our wedding entertainment services today.  We would be honored to show those guests who “make the cut” how much fun a wedding can be!

wedding prices

Wedding prices

By Wedding planning

The video below poses the question, “why are weddings so darn expensive?” It suggests that wedding prices are just plain too high.

But are they?

This video is worth watching because it addresses an important question, something we deal with all the time: why can’t wedding vendors be more transparent in their pricing by listing all their package price on their website?

Price shopping alone can ruin your wedding

The question seems pretty reasonable, except that it has the potential to ruin your wedding day.  If you select vendors on price alone, and not on quality, reputation, creativity and flexibility, you’re going to end up with vendors who aren’t a good fit for you for all kinds of reasons.

That’s what so often happens when companies list prices: prospective brides shop on price alone, which is dangerous.

Let’s use the example of an avocado, like they do in the video above. Unlike wedding services, avocados are a commodity, which means they are especially price sensitive.

You wouldn’t pay $8 for an avocado, as they suggest in the video above, especially when the national average is $1.18 per avocado.  On the other hand, you might pay $2 if it is organically grown, because that is important to you. By the same token, $1.18 may be too much if the offerings on your store shelf are overripe.

You get the idea. All avocados aren’t the same, just as all entertainment companies aren’t the same.

Queen City DJs love price questions!

Queen City DJs love price questions when it comes time for you to plan wedding entertainment. The video offers good advice: offer potential vendors a price range that fits your budget, which helps us present you with the options and add-ons right for your style and budget.

Ultimately, no price is a good price if you don’t love the quality of the service you receive. That’s why wedding prices alone are an incomplete metric when it comes to assessing potential vendors. Be sure to include quality, reputation, creativity and flexibility in your considerations.

Queen City DJs is proud of our website. It reflects who we are. Spend a little time on it, beginning with our wedding services page. Check out our planning tools. And then contact us. Nothing beats a phone call (1-513-659-9293) to help you get to know a company and receive the exact info you’re looking for.

destination wedding

The agony and ecstasy of a destination wedding

By Wedding planning

Why in the world would anyone in their right mind want a destination wedding? Traditionalists bristle at such a notion. In fact, there is some serious agony and ecstasy associated with a destination wedding. This blog will fearlessly lay it on the line for you, our faithful readers:

ECSTASY—> Simplicity

You’ll spend less time planning your wedding with a destination wedding.  A lot of wedding couples appreciate the entire stress-free vibe of less planning.  When planning a wedding in the bride’s home town, couples have to make well over 1000 decisions. Each decision is a cause for stress.  Destination weddings at resorts often provide turnkey packages which include an onsite wedding planning consultant which radically reduces stress-causing decisions.

AGONY—> Destination weddings may exclude key family members

Let’s face it, not everyone can afford to haul their entire family off to your destination wedding. You may find yourself deprived of loved ones who you really would like to share in the biggest day of your life.  Even more, family members who would like to come may be resentful that you’re putting them in a position of mortgaging the house to fly off to Timbuktu to indulge your destination wedding fantasy.  Then there is the issue of mobility and age.  Elderly grandparents and aunts may not be up to traveling long distances.

ECSTASY—> Destination weddings may exclude key family members

On the other hand, do you have problematic family members you’d rather not attend your wedding?  Destination weddings are a great way to whittle back your list!

AGONY—> Legal red tape

If you’re getting married in another country, you may have to wrangle with a different language while getting all the proper forms necessary to get married there, especially if you’ve been divorced before.  That’s why destination weddings are more popular with younger couples getting married for the first time.

ECSTASY—> Enjoy a better honeymoon

By combining your ceremony and honeymoon, you may be able to get a package that makes a dream honeymoon location more affordable.

AGONY—>It may ruin your honeymoon

Think about this carefully:  do you want your family hanging around on your honeymoon, because it’s something you may have to deal with if you have a destination wedding.  After all, they may not want to shell out all those bucks just to pack up and jet home the next day.  You may find yourself entertaining Uncle Buck when you’d rather be relaxing in your honeymoon suite.

ECSTASY—> Save money

The way one wedding planner put it, “You get the honeymoon and wedding at the same time for a half the price of what a wedding would cost in the U.S. or Canada,”

AGONY—> You may not be the star of the show

Some resorts schedule lots and lots of weddings in a day.  You may see a lot of other brides and their guests flitting around.  And then there are beach weddings.  How would you feel if the ‘tall and tan and lovely girl from Ipanema’ saunters by while you’re saying your vows and all eyes are on her … and not you?  Just askin’!  Despite their best efforts, resort staffers may not be able to keep the public at bay.

ECSTASY–> Queen City DJs

If you hold your wedding right here in the Cincinnati area, you can enjoy unrivaled wedding entertainment with Queen City DJs! No need to travel halfway across the world!

Is a destination wedding right for you?  For most couples, the agony outweighs the ecstasy.

celebrity wedding

10 ugliest celebrity wedding dresses EVER!

By Wedding planning

 

Would you like to have a celebrity wedding?

Think twice about that. Just because celebrities have money doesn’t mean that they have any taste. As evidence, just watch the video above which showcases the 10 ugliest celebrity wedding dresses EVER!

What a waste of money!

The typical bride has to deal with reality, a limited budget. Here’s the good news. You can celebrate like a celebrity without spending buckets of money. In fact, you’ve probably got more taste than a whole lot of celebrities.

No where is your taste more on display than with the entertainment. Entertainment makes the event. We can taylor the entertainment to suit your personality, your sense of style, and your taste. And packages can be customized to fit your budget.

Forget about a celebrity wedding!

When you think about it, weddings are really about families and friends who love you and want to share in your celebration. There’s no need to try to impress people who really care about you with a wedding dress you can’t afford.

Instead, throw a great party you CAN afford, and entertainment makes the party.

Forget about a celebrity wedding. Make your celebration distinctly you with customized entertainment from Queen City DJs. Check out our wedding planning tools to get started now.

DJ integrity

DJ integrity is everything

By Wedding planning

Do you like the owner of  the DJ company you’re considering for your wedding? If not, move on. DJ integrity is paramount to a successful wedding. The first vibe you pick up from a company is often telling.

Trust your instincts.

Don’t look back. Wedding celebrations are special, and entertainment makes the event. If there is something about the personality of the owner of a DJ company company that just doesn’t sit right with you, find someone else.

For the record, that includes me!

Chemistry is important at weddings, and your DJ company has a disproportionate impact on the success of your event. Choose carefully, beginning with an assessment of how well you LIKE and TRUST the owner.

Now how do you do that? You need to make some sort of personal contact.

You can’t do that if you’re merely filling out a form on a website and hitting send. Yes, we’ve got awesome forms right here  and here on our own website.  They’re a start. but better yet, pick up the phone and call.

Do you get a real, live person on the phone, and if not,  how quickly do you get a call back?

And here is the key: how well do they come across on the phone? Are they warm and friendly? Do they listen? Do they come across like they care about your event? Even more, are they excited about your event? Or do you get the sense that they look at you merely as a paycheck?

You can’t beat the personal touch.

As wonderful as modern technology is, it does you no favors by de-personalizing the wedding planning process. Don’t let that happen to you. Pick up the phone and call us at 513-659-9293, because we’d love to talk to you about your event.

Better yet, set up a time to meet in person. This is the ultimate way for you to get to know the person who can make or break your event. This is the ultimate way for you to gauge their integrity, and DJ integrity is everything.

celebrity marriage advice

Celebrity marriage advice. Beware!

By Wedding planning

Celebrity marriages don’t always work out so well. So celebrity marriage advice is always a little suspect. But it can be so much fun!

For us ‘little people,’ there are still some nuggets of wisdom worth considering from these larger than life figures. Or at the very least, we’ll get a good laugh.

The notorious actress and sex symbol, Mae West, offered profound advice to future wives:

“Don’t marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.”

Comedienne Phyllis Diller’s advice was totally practical:

“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”

The 18th century German satirist, Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, provides ‘snarky’ advice, to use a 21st century word:

“Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.”

Which leads us to Marilyn Monroe’s advice posted above:

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I’m out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Everyone is flawed. Everyone is going to have their moments with their spouse. That’s when love actually flourishes, for love isn’t a just feeling. If it were merely a feeling, it could never last.

Love is choice.

It’s a choice to mend fences, even when the love of your life is difficult to handle and you don’t feel like mending fences.

When you hit a rough patch in your relationship like everyone else in recorded history has, you might take some advice from the wisest man who ever lived, according to the Old Testament of the Bible, King Solomon. Writing in the The Book of Proverbs, his advice still resonates three thousand years later:

“He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

“He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

In other words, guard your relationship by controlling your tongue! Now that’s a celebrity worth listening to!

Ready for more advice? Check out our event planning tools. They make wedding planning so easy.

alcohol wedding guidelines

Alcohol or no alcohol?

By Wedding planning

 

It got ugly fast. You will quickly understand why you need alcohol wedding guidelines at your wedding.

Uncle Charlie liked his liquor.  And it flowed at his niece’s wedding reception.  Charlie felt as if  he had entered the land of milk and honey.  (That’s a biblical metaphor for what our culture would call a ‘land of plenty.’)

As the party picked up the pace, so did Charlie’s imbibing, and so did his dancing … and it wasn’t pretty.  I had never seen someone doing Michael Jackson’s moonwalk to “The Way You Looked Tonight.”

He kept dancing after the music had ended.

His shirt was untucked, his eyes rolling, and his tie was tied around his head instead of his neck. Everyone was embarrassed.  And no one wanted to get back on the dance floor.

When the bride’s father tried to get him off the dance floor, he was belligerent.  As I said, it got ugly fast.

Alcohol wedding guidelines

When planning your wedding reception, think about how you want to handle alcohol.  As a DJ, I have a lot of experience dealing with highly uncomfortable situations at wedding receptions with out-of-control guests under the influence.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

For your sake and mine, I’ve posted some helpful guidelines above regarding booze, beer, and wine.  Based on my experience, these guidelines will eliminate most problems.  I hope you find them helpful.

Some brides can’t afford an open bar, or don’t want to pay for it, which is perfectly fine.  The guidelines above still apply.  Simply replace ‘open’ bar with ‘cash’ bar.

Queen City DJs offers helpful wedding planning tools for Cincinnati brides. Let us know what alcohol guidelines you’d like for your reception in the “other information” section of the wedding planning form. Be intentional. The purpose of today’s blogpost is to help you to be proactive in your planning efforts.

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babies at weddings

The definitive guide to babies at weddings

By Wedding planning

Get ready for controversy: babies at weddings.

Your friendships are about to be tested.  If you’re prepared, you can minimize the damage.

I refer, of course, to that timeless issue of whether or not to let your friends bring their babies to your Cincinnati area wedding.

You face two scenarios when it comes to babies at weddings

SCENARIO #1:  The sweet little things alternate between cooing and napping during your ceremony.

SCENARIO #2:  The little monsters scream to high heaven throughout the wedding ceremony.  You have to ask the officiant to repeat the vows a second and a third time before you can hear them over the din.  All of this is captured by your wedding videographer forever, and we haven’t even gotten to the reception yet!

Whew!

Okay … scenario #1 is the likely outcome.  Scenario #2 seldom happens, meaning infrequently or almost never.

But sometimes it does.

Here’s what to do:  you know your friends with babies.  Are they reasonable when it comes to their kids?  If their baby/infant/toddler gets fussy during the ceremony, will they discreetly step out to avoid disrupting your event?  Or are they the type that believes the world revolves them, their needs, their convenience, and their kids, who by the way, can do no wrong?

If you expect scenario #1, invite away, but if  not, don’t.

If in doubt, simply remember that this is your day, not theirs.

Most people do view marriage as a community celebration

Many brides and grooms love inviting families, complete with their kids.  Wonderful.  But you don’t have to.

Some brides recognize unique situations.  For example, if guests make a trek in from out of town, it may be tough for them to find someone to come in for the weekend to watch the kid(s), especially if a mother is still nursing her baby.

If you’re willing to include children for these reasons, you might want to make arrangements for a side room with childcare in case your guests would rather park their kids than tend to them during either the ceremony or reception.

If you make the decision that you do not want children, do so with this understanding:

  1. It is perfectly just, moral, and practical.
  2. You may have a friend/family member ask for an exception.

When sending out invitations, simply address it to the person who is invited:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

or…

Bobbi-Jean Smith & Guest

If kids are welcome, you’ll simply address the invitation as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith & Family.

If babies and kids are not invited, inevitably, your friend, Bobbi-Jean, is going to give you a call with this request:

“Say … you wouldn’t mind if I brought little Clarabelle, would you?”

This is key:  know exactly what you want.  Have a prepared response rehearsed and ready to go.

If you’re willing to make exceptions, then life is simple.  You’ll use Response #1:

RESPONSE #1:  “For you, of course.  Little Clarabelle is such a lovely little doll.  Would you like me to make arrangements for a side room and child care to give you more flexibility during the ceremony and/or reception?”

What if you don’t want babies at your wedding? Say this…

If you really don’t want babies, infants, or children at your ceremony or reception, you’ll want to use something more along the lines of Response #2:

RESPONSE #2:  “You know, we really looked at this closely with our Wedding Planner.  She really encouraged us to keep the event adults only, and we’re taking her advice.  [But she had a great suggestion.  She said if any of our guests wanted to bring kids, we can make arrangements for a side room and provide a list of reputable child care providers for those parents interested in the service.  Would you like me to forward you the list?]”

If you really don’t want to mess with around with kids, only use the first two sentences above and lop off the section in brackets.

If you have a particularly persistent friend or family member, you know, the type who begs:

“Pleeez … couldn’t you make a teeny weeny exception for my sweet little Clarabelle.  She won’t make a peep.  You’ll never know she was there.  Pleeez, pretty pleeeeez”…

… be strong.

Stand your ground.

Calmly and without apology, simply say:

“I understand, Bobbi-Jean, but the answer is no.  We have intentionally planned for an all-adult wedding celebration, and we’re going to stick with our plan.”

You may have a better way to say it.  If yes, think it through and be ready in case you’re put in the uncomfortable situation described above.

Remember, this is YOUR wedding.

Okay, are you ready to sketch out your Cincinnati event? We’ve got the tools right here. Simply complete the contact form, and we’ll provide the logins which give you full access to all of our tools without obligation.